Sunday, November 20, 2011

Back Stabbing Etiquette

Back stabbing is not recommended, but we have all probably been at fault at one time or another.  For those that get their kicks from back stabbing, please read the following rules of etiquette that you should be following:
  1.  Do not talk about this person (you know your best friend when they are around but the minute they leave you can't help but to stab them in the back) in front of someone that actually cares.  Take the person that you are confiding your thoughts to in a separate room so others do not have to hear how two faced you are.
  2. At some point, give the friend (the one you are back stabbing) a head's up that you don't approve of the action that you are telling everyone else about.  This will at least give them a chance to rectify a situation before you have blown it way out of proportion!
  3. If you are a nice guy/girl (you know all back stabbing people are) then leave the real friends out of the mess.  They do not want to feel awkward when the two of you are together.
  4. If it is a problem that you are having a hard time dealing with and you are back stabbing for that reason; learn some conflict resolution skills.  Nothing can be solved when talking to others about a problem that someone else is causing you.
I have recently run into a few problems with individuals that act like they are friends around each other then one of the individuals cannot wait to talk bad about the person once they are gone, or worse, throw the person under the bus.  It drives me insane, yet, you really cannot tell someone to keep the person at an arm's length for awhile. 

My past supervisor and close friend once told me some great advice that I am going to pass on.  She said, "Do not listen to it.  Tell the individual that they should confront the person they are having problems with or it will continue and possibly get worse.  You are most likely not the only person this person is talking to."  I have followed that advice several times after it was given to me, but in a new setting with people, it is quite difficult.

I know I have been guilty of back stabbing and have never left the situation feeling comfortable.  I will usually have a talk with the person later (not confessing my back stabbing) but will find out the real deal instead of the one I have mentally made up.

Back stabbing really does not get anyone further ahead.



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