Friday, July 22, 2011

Things I learned from Divorce

I learned a few useful things from divorce, like not to get married!  Just kidding…

I have been married, and divorced, twice.  My first husband was the love of my life, someone that I dated from Feb 2000 to the day we got married on November 10, 2001.  Then when I was visiting my parents during Christmas of 2002, he called me on the 21st of December to let me know that our marriage would not last.  There went that Christmas!  

Picture of me ,taken by my first husband, on a date
My second marriage was that spontaneous, fast paced relationship.  We fell in love and we fell hard!  I married him on May 27, 2005.   He left on deployment to Kuwait in the beginning of October.  On the 21st of December, he emailed me and let me know that our marriage was doomed.  That Christmas was ruined as well!

First… never read emails, texts, or answer the phone on the 21st of December if I am married!

Some of the other things I learned are:

Women do not need to be with a man to be happy.  I have spoke to many wonderful women who say that they have found themselves happier being single than they were in a marriage.  As happy as we are, we all think we could be happy if we would have found someone worthy of a healthy, loving relationship.  That is the key that we all were missing and something that I am in search of along with millions of single people!  Just because we would like to be in a relationship doesn't mean we are unhappy though!

It is possible to live and to have fun after a marriage!  I thought I would always have that sick to my stomach feeling that I had.  I was unable to eat, smile, or go more than 20 minutes without crying.   Then one day I woke up, decided I was stinky, and needed a shower… and from that moment on, I knew I was going to be okay.  I went to some friend's house, we played some cards; then the next day I went out to eat, and I could actually swallow without feeling sick!  After that things came a little easier and I started building upon my own strengths and started to dream again for myself.

People sometimes feel the need to pick sides.  I lost many friends that were my husbands’ friends, then became my friends, and after the divorce when I tried to communicate, they said it was awkward.  Then there were the friends that told me everything my ex was up to and that made it difficult to be friends with them.  But then there were the people that had always been by my side.  Sure, they liked him, but when it was all said and done; I still have my best friends ever.  I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt when people that you are thinking are your friends suddenly aren’t (it actually feels like a small death) but you can pick up and move along with people that do care about you.

There are other items that I could go over, but the main point is, we can all move on and become better people.  But grieve in your own way and heal at your own pace.  Don’t believe people when they tell you that you should be over it by now.  If you are having an extremely hard time, there are counselors that are trained for this type of thing.  I used one and highly recommend it to others!

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